Walking home with you
Most people throughout history and even now across the world have always had death as a companion with disease and/or starvation right around the corner.
Recently, while at a cemetery with gravestones from the 1700’s and 1800’s, it was interesting to note that many of the gravestones had not only how many years the person lived but also how many months and days…. “Sam Smith 25 years, 3 months, 11 days”. Perhaps indicating their realization of the daily possibility of death.
Death is always here but as a culture we have pushed it behind closed doors. We don’t talk a lot or openly about death in our culture. It’s been hidden in the shadows. Since the beginning of the 1900’s, the dying process, for the most part in the US, has been pushed to hospitals and funeral homes.
Prior to around 1900, people stayed at home to die and their family and friends took care of them before the death and afterwards too, sitting with the body, washing and dressing it. Most people in the US now state that their preference is to die at home.
My role as an end-of-life doula involves bringing the subject of death out of the shadows, normalizing it as part of life. How do we make it ok to talk about, to face our own mortality, to come to terms with death, to come to terms with the unknown?
An EOL doula initiates and has those crucial conversations, paving the way for the the dying process to be a beautiful experience filled with peace, and comfort and infused with hope.
EOL doula services are divided into 3 sections: The third and and last phase in the post-vigil phase. I follow any post-death rituals that were planned including washing the body, applying essential oils, or placing flowers on the body.
The EOL doula also facilitates what the individual requested for their body such as cremation vs. burial, etc. In addition, I provide early grief support for family and friends.
EOL doula services are divided into 3 sections: The second phase is the vigil. The vigil is the time when a client is “actively dying” – unable to move or speak or make their needs known. The phase can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days or up to a week.
During this time, an EOL doula sits with the client providing support to the individual and their people. One of the main goals during this time is following the prearranged vigil plan as closely as possible. The plan was created with the client and is specific to their wants and needs.
For example, a client may request a chair be placed by the front door so visitors can take a few minutes to sit and collect their thoughts before entering the dying person’s space. By leaving the outside world “at the door”, the visitor brings a calming energy into the space.
When possible, I am present at the client’s time of death.
